Osama Bin Laden Surrenders to Syrian Authorities

In in joint press briefing conducted at the Ministry for Economic Development in Syria, Osama Bin Laden announced he has turned himself over to Syrian authorities for inciting violence among Syrian youth. The Syrian Minister of Economic Development stated “We will imprison Osama, for many of our children have died having been incited by Osama Bin Laden to fight in foreign wars. However, we will not extradite him until he has been tried and finished serving his fifty year sentence that we are planning, I mean he will get for his crimes” When asked why he turned himself in Mr. Bin Laden remarked “The Bush Administration had made it increasingly difficult to obtain worthwhile munitions, so in an effort to adapt to the US willingness to actually act against terrorism, I am going for the soft underbelly of America” Osama was hesitant to say anymore, but after several bottles of Ozuo he babbled on like an idiot…” From my estate, I mean prison cell in Syria I plan to inspire and finance tens of thousands of lawsuits against American corporations for everything from obesity (McDonalds) to cancer (GM, Exxon, General Mills). I believe I represent a sympathic majority in Europe and among Islam, am can legally raise hundreds of millions to create legitimate court cases to tie up American courts for decades. It will be a few hundred million dollars for us, but it will cost the US many Billions of dollars to defend against the lawsuits. The US taxpayer and consumer will have to bear the cost of the legal fees, and like OJ Simpson, they’ll have to see my face every day in the news for decades!”